I use to know who I was. I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I knew in what direction I wanted to go. But ever since you came and turned my world upside down, I've never felt more lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not the same person. I have no clue where I'm going. I'm aimlessly going around in a circle, trying to find myself. I lost myself, one long summer night. I want to find myself. I'm tired of feeling so small, and helpless. I've never felt so unsure of myself. I keep my head towards the ground as I walk the world. Constantly pulling at my clothes trying to act busy, trying to find some confidence in myself. I look in the mirror and ask myself who's the girl staring back at me? She seems so lost and unsure of herself. I've never been the girl who needed a guy, I was the girl guys needed. Now I just wish I had someone to help me find my way. Someone to hold my hand, make me feel like I'm worth something. Cause ever since that summer night, I've never felt good enough for anyone. You knocked me down, you dug my grave, pushed me down, and killed the girl I was. I'm trying so hard to find myself. I need to find that girl I use to be. The girl that always had a smile on her face, the girl who was so nice to everyone, and knew what she wanted. I thought I could find myself, I just didn't know it would be so hard. I didn't think it would hurt so much but it does. I didn't think I'd ever lose sight of who I am and where I was going.. but I did. It's been such a hard, lonely ride. This ride has been the hardest thing I've ever done. And what makes it harder is having to do it alone. I'm surrounded by so amazing people in my life, but yet I feel so damn alone. It's like everyone is moving on with their life and I'm still stuck in the past. And I don't want to be there. I want to move on. I want to be happy, like completely happy. I want to forget what happened but it's haunting me. I need to be stronger for myself. I'm standing in the dark, all alone, and I know I can't be here for the rest of my life. But every time I find a glimpse of light, I lose it in a blink of an eye and I'm right back where I started. They say God never puts you through more than you can handle, but I'm starting to doubt that. Cause it's getting so hard to handle everything. It's so much. Right when everything seems to be going right, it's like something new is being thrown at me. How much stronger do I possibly need to be? I've been through so much. I'm tired of fighting the same fight, over and over again. I just want it to end. I want everything to go away. I want to start over. I want to find myself. I want someone to help me find my way back. But for some reason, I've never gotten what I want. But it's not a matter of wanting things, I NEED these things... more than I ever needed anything in my life. And I pray and hope that everything works out the way it's suppose to. I pray that these are the hardest days I ever have to face cause quite frankly, I have no clue how I could possibly handle anything worse than this. Someone once told me the storm would eventually pass. I pray it does. I can't do this much longer.
