Sunday, January 10, 2010

BEST & ADDICTIONS

Often, we run and keep going back to something, like its some sort of addiction. Maybe it is an addiction - because we always want it. No matter how many times it gets us into trouble or how many times it screws us over. We constantly run back to it over and over again, for more. Why? Because its what we know best. It's what we are comfortable with. We know it better than anything in the world and has much as we hate to admit it, we hate change. That's why we run back, to our addictions. We feel so comfortable with it, we are scared to go on without it. Why, would we want something unfamilar when we can have something we know best. Our addictions make us feel safe, comfortable, and we love it. Because in life, we are never certain of anything. That's why we can never get rid of our addictions.

We know our addictions, inside and out. We know everything about them. We know how they make us feel and we love it. We know they have the potential to ruin us but pray to God they don't. Our addictions make us strong but more than anything, they make us weak. Because our addictions, like ourselves, know everything about us. Our addictions know us best. And that is why it is hard to go on without them. They ignite the fire to our lives, giving us the best feeling in the world. The more we go back to our addictions, the bigger the fire grows. And while we keep feeding our addictions, the fire keeps growing and growing every day. Giving them the complete and utter control to ruin us completely. But as we know, we will continue to run back to our addictions because they are what we know best. They make us feel better than anything in the world. It's our comfort. It's our fun. It's something we cannot go without. It's something we need. It's something we want. It's something we could never get rid of. Because it's what we know best.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Things Never Change

It's funny you know? When you really want something, even though you know nothing has changed, yet you hope it changed - but in the end you just end up being let down & disappointed. And you're left feeling hurt & alone. It's like you could have prevented it all from happening if you wouldn't have taken the chance on that something. But often we take every chance we get because we believe that this time everything will be different and something great will happen. We take these chances because we think if we just walk away we'll miss out on something. So does that make us wrong for taking the chances even when we know nothing has changed? Or is it wrong for us not to take the chances. Life is a mystery and you never know what will happen if you don't take these chances. But does there come a point in life when you have to stop taking these chances because you have given that something many chances before?

How many chances am i going to take on you until i realize, things never change. It's the same with you every time. Yet I still sit there giving you chances after chances just so you can continue to let me down & disappoint me. I was just hoping this time it would be different. I wanted to believe in you but you just let me down completely. I don't even know what to believe in anymore because I believed you and you let me down, completely. I have to pick up the pieces and start all over again.